Friday, February 29, 2008

right now

right now.
this exact moment.
what i feel.


right now.

this exact moment.
what i wanna say.


fuck me.
fuck me.
fuck me.


i am nothing.
right now.
this exact moment.

fuck me.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

a confession of a pseudo-romantic boyfriend


it's the first sentence that's always the hardest, so i'll just go straight to what i have to say and neglect the intro..

you are my life, my other half. that simple girl that i've always been waiting for. to be more poetic, you are my soul, the bearer of my heart, the bringer of whatever else that's good left in me, my keeper... my perfection. to be even more specific, though redundant, you are my life.

straight to the point. short but i guess that sums it all up.. but,this letter is my confession to you, so to make this a worthwhile read, i'll add a little perk to spice up your mood quite more.

truth be told, that's why this is called a confession letter, im very much looking forwartd to and so excited on marrying you, to have babies and a family of our own. How i wish we could fast forward time and be there at that exact moment... but then again we'd be spoiling all the good memories that we should be carrying, for us to keep on holding on. even the bad ones, the fair and the memories we ought to forget, hold on...

i've asked so many things to him in the past. some he gave, so much he didnt. but i never did ask for someone like you, i never thought or dreamt of having someone like you, but he knows all too well, and i thank him,im grateful it was you.

for years i've searched for happiness and now the search ends here... because you are my happiness, the missing part of my whole. and now that youre here, mine to keep, ill never ever let you go, to hope and prayers that you would be same to me, to reciprocate these feelings i have. dont let go, as i would never to you.. hold on..

yes, hold on..
to love...
to forever...
dont let go...
coz i dont want to be sad no more.

i confess... i love you...

my forever.

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Monday, December 03, 2007

my blog speaking

refresh please...

i wanna be happy.
bring out the lighter side in me.

restart please...

change background.
let the world know that i am happy.

renew please...

fresh ideas now.
sunshine... no more sunsets.


blog reboot...

a letter from lolita...

hello friend...please let me call you such, for i never had one in my life, a real one that is.
my name is lolita or so they've told me. i was an orphan, i am an orphan. they found me one rainy night, sister so called mother, but she prefers madame.
my mother...madame...she gave me comfort, food, clothes, shelter and at the right
i did some household chores, oh! yes i did it right and i was happy. when i was 9, mother gave me my first dress, it was so beautiful!! we went to uncle charlie's. we chat, cracked some funny jokes. unfortunately, mother has some errand to do and she had to leave, so it was uncle charlie and me, with some awkward instance he grabbed my legs. i didn't move, he touched my breast, i still didn't move. he started kissing me, on my cheek, my lips, to my breast...down to my vagina. i felt some tingling sensation and i thought it was nice at first, not right but nice...until he jabbed his fingers inside me, that was then that it hurt. i felt the need to scream but i didn't, thinking uncle charlie would get mad. this is his gift after all i said to myself. i didn't want him to think that i was disappointed with his gift. but then again, i failed him...i shouted, i a baby. something...a part of him came throbbing inside me. it is as if he's going to tear me apart... i cried...i cried not of the pain but because i failed him. i was shaking so hard, good thing that uncle charlie comforted me, hugged me and told me everything's going to be alright. i believed him...but he was wrong!
the following day we went to cousin brady. he was a colored guy and at that time i wondered, if we were related, how come we have different skin color? but then again, i was 9.
cousin brady was big, a giant of a man compared to, like uncle charlie, he knew it was just a day past my birthday, and like uncle charlie again, cousin brady gave me the same gift. the same tingling sensation, the usual hurt, the familiar pain, and out came the natural reaction, my screams, my cries... again i failed cousin brady just as i have failed unlce charlie...and like uncle charlie he gave me comfort, and told me it's all going to be alright... and again i believed him.......i'll try to continue this some other time, mother is coming...

Thursday, November 22, 2007


Gott stellte nicht die Welt, es ist die Welt her, die Gott herstellte.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

filler no. 05

like candy..
so sweet..

like a pair of soft slippers..

like a pair of slippers..
they never last..

tell me i am wrong..
dare me..

please tell me i am wrong...

Tuesday, October 23, 2007


my anger suppressed
take a whiff, puff
that's how i manifest

days so sullen
nights are dismal
my mind is reeling
let my body crawl

kiss the darkness
wander in my dreams
take my whole being
i won't scream

my revenge is coming
it won't be seen
i assure you in this battle
i will win.

-j... akong uyab.

Friday, August 24, 2007

something only our hearts know

just as everything seems to fall
unknowingly, yet oh, so fortunately
never did they understand the reason why
as if only our hearts know.

just as fate becomes a villain in our lives
unknowingly, yet oh, so thankful
nemesis fate turns her smile upon us
as if our hearts already know.

just as time sweetly passes by
unimaginably,yet oh, so wonderful
never can i define nor to describe
alas, i've no words for this feeling.

...yet, my darling i'm certain...
that our hearts surely know.


i am a superhero
i am no ordinary human
i am a superhuman
beyond mortal
i am immortal
my ability...rephrase that...
my super ability...

to procastinate my way through life
i am unique
i am the master of procastination

i am...


i'll do this later

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