a letter from lolita...

hello friend...please let me call you such, for i never had one in my life, a real one that is.

my name is lolita or so they've told me. i was an orphan, i am an orphan. they found me one rainy night, sister ophelia...my so called mother, but she prefers madame.

my mother...madame...she gave me comfort, food, clothes, shelter and at the right time...work.

i did some household chores, oh! yes i did it right and i was happy. when i was 9, mother gave me my first dress, it was so beautiful!! we went to uncle charlie's. we chat, cracked some funny jokes. unfortunately, mother has some errand to do and she had to leave, so it was uncle charlie and me, with some awkward instance he grabbed my legs. i didn't move, he touched my breast, i still didn't move. he started kissing me, on my cheek, my lips, to my breast...down to my vagina. i felt some tingling sensation and i thought it was nice at first, not right but nice...until he jabbed his fingers inside me, that was then that it hurt. i felt the need to scream but i didn't, thinking uncle charlie would get mad. this is his gift after all i said to myself. i didn't want him to think that i was disappointed with his gift. but then again, i failed him...i shouted, i cried...like a baby. something...a part of him came throbbing inside me. it is as if he's going to tear me apart... i cried...i cried not of the pain but because i failed him. i was shaking so hard, good thing that uncle charlie comforted me, hugged me and told me everything's going to be alright. i believed him...but he was wrong!

the following day we went to cousin brady. he was a colored guy and at that time i wondered, if we were related, how come we have different skin color? but then again, i was 9.

cousin brady was big, a giant of a man compared to me...so, like uncle charlie, he knew it was just a day past my birthday, and like uncle charlie again, cousin brady gave me the same gift. the same tingling sensation, the usual hurt, the familiar pain, and out came the natural reaction, my screams, my cries... again i failed cousin brady just as i have failed unlce charlie...and like uncle charlie he gave me comfort, and told me it's all going to be alright... and again i believed him.......i'll try to continue this some other time, mother is coming...