the critique, the poet, the pro...
effortlessly, your repressed being resonates thru your words.see? what is kept will eventually find it's way to escape. So filart, if you wonder why an online comrade like me seems to know you more than you ever know yourself, it is because i have peeped through your words in ways more than one. remember, an artist should know how to capture the macrocosm of a picture, no matter how minute it may appear to the naked eye. because all of the other four senses are bewitching and at times, deceiving, you have to make use of the remainder. if you want to write, YOU HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO FEEL. i did just that.
as i said, your magic lies on the fact that you have exceptionally vague vocabulary, which is good because your playpen of words wouldn't be limited. synonyms come in varying intensities and though similar in meaning, one word will always sound better than the rest. i wouldn't exactly say you got the influence from the love-themed lyrics of most hardcore rock songs, but i am hearing a lot of The Used and a little of Linkin Park when i read your blog. That's absolutely fine, anyway. In poetry, more often than not, we talk by way of the language we know because our strongest influence is the immediate environment.
your words are deep and heavy. sometimes, you tend to use a lot of metaphors and euphemisms, to the extent that of losing what you really want to convey. the inconsistencies are therefore made clear and it only exposes what you are trying to hide. there's no undo and redo buttons in real life, so please refrain from editing out what isn't good and polishing it by world standards.
you are your own person auggie, and the distinctiveness of your individuality is evident in the words you weave. it's good to note that you embrace avant-garde. this way, you wouldn't be pressured with coming up with the write measures and rhymes. but don't stop midway and take a detour on the safer roads. let the thoughts float freely. write and write until everything has been poured out. afterwhich, you can rearrange the lines to better emphasize the core of your write-up. reread and reread as you revise and as much as possible, limit editing on grammar and the usual subject-verb agreement. you are on the verge of getting there. don't hold it back, never hold it back.
overall, i appreciate your being in touch with your inner self. but you two keep so much secrets together. do not worry filart, in the event that you decide to be true to yourself, the ordinary wouldn't notice it in your writing. poetry is actually a selective medium of communication. it transmits messages only to people who can understand. people who take time to cross the border, to diffuse through the barrier, to fully appreciate the person that is you. you are already on the right track, so keep going. brave orpheus by not turning and looking back. it will be all fine filart, believe me.
A Story,MYD and perfection for example, are particularly honest. you can basically taste the words as you read it. although all the rest were good enough, there are points where you backed off. Your atheist-themed ones lack emphasis because even before you sat down to jot those words, you already had a planned outcome in mind. it should never be like that. I am, You are is bitin. Probably you ran out of connecting ideas. And your poor attempt at blasphemy ended up appearing uneasy. motherfukcin whore is too strong for a word, plus it greatly deviates from the default masculine image of Superman and God in the preceeding stanzas. the gender shift on the last line isn't a good idea, really.
and oh, by the way, the masculine form of whore is stud.
*the above selection is a solicited request from a budding fan (lol. this is my blog, so you practically can't do anything, too bad ^_^). but yes, The Effortless is a review on my friend, Auggie's poetry style. my poetic structure sucks too, but what the hell, he views me as a pro so i better walk the talk.lol
- aryanism
- title changed
as i said, your magic lies on the fact that you have exceptionally vague vocabulary, which is good because your playpen of words wouldn't be limited. synonyms come in varying intensities and though similar in meaning, one word will always sound better than the rest. i wouldn't exactly say you got the influence from the love-themed lyrics of most hardcore rock songs, but i am hearing a lot of The Used and a little of Linkin Park when i read your blog. That's absolutely fine, anyway. In poetry, more often than not, we talk by way of the language we know because our strongest influence is the immediate environment.
your words are deep and heavy. sometimes, you tend to use a lot of metaphors and euphemisms, to the extent that of losing what you really want to convey. the inconsistencies are therefore made clear and it only exposes what you are trying to hide. there's no undo and redo buttons in real life, so please refrain from editing out what isn't good and polishing it by world standards.
you are your own person auggie, and the distinctiveness of your individuality is evident in the words you weave. it's good to note that you embrace avant-garde. this way, you wouldn't be pressured with coming up with the write measures and rhymes. but don't stop midway and take a detour on the safer roads. let the thoughts float freely. write and write until everything has been poured out. afterwhich, you can rearrange the lines to better emphasize the core of your write-up. reread and reread as you revise and as much as possible, limit editing on grammar and the usual subject-verb agreement. you are on the verge of getting there. don't hold it back, never hold it back.
overall, i appreciate your being in touch with your inner self. but you two keep so much secrets together. do not worry filart, in the event that you decide to be true to yourself, the ordinary wouldn't notice it in your writing. poetry is actually a selective medium of communication. it transmits messages only to people who can understand. people who take time to cross the border, to diffuse through the barrier, to fully appreciate the person that is you. you are already on the right track, so keep going. brave orpheus by not turning and looking back. it will be all fine filart, believe me.
A Story,MYD and perfection for example, are particularly honest. you can basically taste the words as you read it. although all the rest were good enough, there are points where you backed off. Your atheist-themed ones lack emphasis because even before you sat down to jot those words, you already had a planned outcome in mind. it should never be like that. I am, You are is bitin. Probably you ran out of connecting ideas. And your poor attempt at blasphemy ended up appearing uneasy. motherfukcin whore is too strong for a word, plus it greatly deviates from the default masculine image of Superman and God in the preceeding stanzas. the gender shift on the last line isn't a good idea, really.
and oh, by the way, the masculine form of whore is stud.
*the above selection is a solicited request from a budding fan (lol. this is my blog, so you practically can't do anything, too bad ^_^). but yes, The Effortless is a review on my friend, Auggie's poetry style. my poetic structure sucks too, but what the hell, he views me as a pro so i better walk the talk.lol
- aryanism
- title changed
If being lonely is a talent... call me gifted.
posted by i am He the Effortless at 6:30 AM
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